Episode 18: Kids Becoming Spoiled

The Line Between Being Spoiled and Thankful

As parents, we always want to provide for our children, parents often neglect their own self care for their children, but at what point does generosity lead to entitlement? In the latest episode of Message for My Kids, the host speaks to his children about this topic.

When Gratitude Starts to Fade

It’s easy for kids and teens to shift from appreciation to expectation. A simple “thank you” becomes rare, and excitement over new things begins to fade. Parents may feel confused when their efforts seem to go unnoticed.

What is the Root of the Issue?

This isn’t about blaming kids, but recognizing how these patterns start. When parents provide a gift, necessity, or extra effort to improve their kid’s lives, they hope for appreciation. When that appreciation is missing, it raises the question: are kids being spoiled, or is there something deeper at play?

Teaching Gratitude Without Punishment

There’s no simple answer. Parents may struggle with how to address entitlement. The goal isn’t to punish, but to instill gratitude. Kids often don’t see the time, effort, and resources behind what they receive. Parents can guide them toward appreciation rather than entitlement.

A Parent’s Honest Reflection

In this episode, the host shares personal experiences and relatable challenges that parents might find familiar when raising their own kids. It’s not about finding a perfect solution, it’s about recognizing the problem, understanding its impact, and exploring ways to nurture appreciation into our kids.

Listen to the Episode in the Player Above!

If you’ve ever wondered how to balance giving your kids what they need and want, while teaching appreciation, you’ll relate to this episode. Tune in for an insightful, honest, discussion on raising kids who value the effort behind what they receive.

Or…Read the Transcript Below!

What's up everybody welcome to another episode of Message to My Kids. I am throwing today's episode just on the wing of things. Today I literally thought about talking about something that I literally just thought about seconds before I press record. Today I want to talk about how the kids are selfish, and it's maybe not selfish. Let me rephrase that. It's not selfish. Not selfish. I want to say spoiled because I just got done talking to your mom and there are problems that are, they’re issues they’re not really problems, but they're issues that we're noticing.

For example, we are doing things for you and we're not getting a simple thank you. We're not getting a simple like acknowledgement and it's changed. It's weird because before you kids were like saying thank you in the past and like we would purchase you a toy or something. You would play with that toy. Now what you do is you open up package look at the toy set it to the side and then that's it. And then you go on doing your own thing. So it's like, okay, maybe they're too old for toys. Let's do something they've been wanting, they asked for a week ago. Certain type of markers and crayons or something, you know, so we go and price match the markers that you wanted, the crayons that you wanted, and we purchased it. Twelve dollars. We drove out of our way to go get this item and purchased it, and now that you acknowledge and don't even open it.

Okay, so it's not selfishness because selfishness I take it as a different meaning different ways. It's not selfish, not being selfish. It's not greedy. I think it's spoiled. It was kind of like one of those things is like I want, I want, I want, I want, I want and you get, you get, you get, you get. And I think you're prone to it. I think you kids are prone to it. The other day, I spent three hours trying to fix your wire, your internet connection to go faster on your device. And it got late, you guys went to bed. I stayed up working on it. I spent time on it. I got the internet working faster on your device and I wrote it on the board, got it up to 400 and I think I wrote 68 megabytes per second, which is half a gig, right? Yeah, half a gig, almost half a gig, which is pretty freaking fast.

So anyways, in response, I got yay. I stayed up and I only got like three hours of rest, which keep in mind, I don't want nothing in return. I don't want anything in return, but what I'm acknowledging and noticing that the return of "thanks dad" or "hey, thank you so much" or like the involvement is not there. It was there at one point. So the question is, the question becomes, are you becoming spoiled? Are you expecting things to be done on your demand? Which then honestly, I don't know how to deal with this right now. I mean, I don't want to be like you're not getting this, you're not getting that. That's not my point. That's not my angle in this, which is something it's hard to deal with because I don't know how to deal with this and I can't just go Google it. I'm sure they got classes on this, but I'm not taking any college classes on parenting or schooling.

I'm not a teacher and I can't reach out to, again, I can't send an email out to your principal and say, hey, how do you stop children from being spoiled without not spoiling them? So my goal, my goal to you kids is to continue giving you guys stuff you want, but for you to kind of get more involved in it. And it's hard because it ain't just something where I can just bring up and talk to you guys because you guys are, you acknowledge it, but you're not going to comprehend it. Like you'll acknowledge it. You know, it's a problem, you know, it's an issue, not a problem, an issue. And I don't want you to worry about that type of stuff because that's parenting, that's parenting type of things, which it's not a big deal. It's really not a big deal. I just don't want it to roll into something in the future where you're expecting a lot more and you get a lot more.

Like pretend your tuition gets paid and then you do nothing with your degree. It's like wait a minute, wait, your tuition was literally paid for $23,000 for a bachelor's degree or associates degree. And I don't even think they give associates degrees in universities. So I don't know, let's say a bachelor's, so a bachelor's, a master's degree that was paid, you have no loans and you're gonna go and be a singer or rock star. It's like no, like I don't want that to be the issue. And that's the issue that I think would happen is like you take no, no, I don't, I don't know. It's kind of hard to explain to you guys and you're young, you're young. So I mean, I'm sure did the same thing when I was younger. I'm sure your grandpa and grandma did millions of things for me and I took it for granted.

And I wish I wouldn’t have and the things that I did do take for granted, I wish I didn't. And the things that I have no acknowledge of taking for granted, I wish I wouldn't have did that. It was probably never pointed out to me. So I don't know how to handle it. And even though right now it's kind of hard to handle it because I don't know how to handle it. Even now, now that it's happening to me, it's not a simple fix. I cannot just take things away from you. I can't just take your phone away, take your iPads away, take your electronics away, your gaming away, your free time away. That's not the point of this. And I can't stop supplying you guys of your wants and needs.

I'm sure other parents will be like you just take off your wants, you take off your needs, you just give them what they deserve. Okay, I honestly can't do that and it's hard because it's hard because I can't, it's not something I can do. And doing stuff like that, it's not gonna be, it's not gonna be the result. You're not resolving any in my eyes. Maybe what I should do is probably lower the wants that you receive or the stuff you received as in wants. I don't, I don't know. This is a pretty, pretty hard one guys. You stumped me on this one. It's not a big issue, but I'm noticing it's an issue. You guys continue coming to me for help which is amazing, which is what I want, which is what a parent would want.

But yeah, it's not selfish, not being selfish, but that's the issue that we're having. That's the issue.

It's not a big issue. Like I said, it's something that I mean, you guys wanted games, you got games, digital games, physical games. You guys wanted clothes, you got shoes. I know in the past what we would do is we would buy you shoes, and those shoes we would purchase and you guys had really expensive name brands. We would go outside and do some yard work. You guys would wear your name brand shoes. So I don't know if it's kind of like a trickle down from that and you guys would have work shoes. You guys would have work shoes because there's yard work to do. There's your casual shoes, when we would go to the store. There's your school shoes, which are like the dress -up shoes, the good ones.

So I don't know. I don't know if that took a toll on. It's kind of hard. It's kind of hardm but yet that was the type of behavior you guys had, the actions. And It just kind of trickled down to now you get these expensive shoes and you're just like “oh they're nice,” and then you guys just literally walk away and put them on. It's like, “Ah, wait a minute, like those are a hundred and forty nine dollar pair of shoes, ten percent discount.”

Like I said guys, we don't expect anything back, we really don't. We don't expect anything back, but we're noticing the gratitude like saying thank you or like I appreciate it dad or mom and I appreciate this stuff, it's not there anymore.

It's like, what happened? Is it needed? Oh, I would say, I would say no, it's not needed. But when you do it for a very long period of time, it... it... it starts. You start questioning, like, was it even worth buying the expensive shoes? Maybe the expensive shoes should have been... maybe... maybe that money should have went to something else, you know? So, it brings up a question in the mind. It starts a small seed.

So, kids, in the future, if you're dealing with a problem like this, my advice, my advice is just think about it. And maybe the wants just have to be decreased. Because anything and almost, literally, when is the last time that I have told you no, other than safety reasons? Like, "Dad, can we go build a bonfire in the middle of the woods?" No, you cannot build a bonfire in the middle of the woods. I'm talking about, like, when did I ever tell you no? Like, you're like, "Oh, can I get a movie?"

Even, even... the other day, Celestino was like, "It would be cool, Dad, if we had this game." And I couldn't, I didn't say no. I was like, "That would be cool." We looked into it, YouTubed it, and we purchased it. So, I think things like that have to be decreased, but still not eliminating the full wants of giving.

So, it's pretty hard. It's pretty hard because I want to see you guys happy. I want to continue seeing you guys happy. And we've been doing that for the longest time. You know, we've been doing that for the longest time.

I mean, you guys had your books. I know Maria had books that she wanted to read, the series books. I mean, heck, when it comes to your guys' birthdays, almost every year, you guys had birthdays, and you wanted this and this, and it's like, okay.

And so... so yeah, guys, my advice is decrease the wants. Maybe that might work. I guess, I guess you did... this one, yeah, really stumped me. I don't have an answer for this one. Maybe... maybe there's something I have to write in notes to come back to. This probably be part one of "When Your Children Are Spoiled." Spoiled children, how to deal with spoiled children. I don't know.

I don't know. I mean, do you guys, do you guys have everything what you want? Like, do you have a castle? Do you have a horse? Do you have a pony? No. Because I think you guys understand the reality of what you can and cannot get. But... you get what you want.

Yeah, you want bedsheets? "Can I get a new pillow? My pillow's too small and too thin." So then I'm like, well, they need a pillow. So maybe that's what it is. Maybe that's what it is. Your guys' wants, I turn into needs. I convert into needs.

So, it's a hard answer. It's a hard answer cause I'm trying to think. What else? The other day, the other day, I think one of you were like, "The screen is too small. The screen is too small." On the device or something, and I'm looking, and I'm like, “you want an iPad?”

So maybe I'm turning, I'm converting your wants into needs. Which is okay. But I think it needs to change. I don't know. This one's pretty hard.

I love you guys. You guys are doing awesome. You guys are doing great. It's not a big issue, it's just something that I'm noticing. So, I hope this explains on how much I try. I hope this explains on why you have so much stuff.

Ah, Roccos just looking at me. He looks hungry. I think I'm just gonna feed him early today. You wanna eat? You wanna eat? Oh, he's wagging his tail. Alright guys, I love you. See you in a bit. And for everybody else, there's another message for my kids.