Episode 9: Parenting is Hard

Have you ever struggled with what parenting really is? Parenting is more than just providing for a child’s needs, it’s about shaping their future, and constantly making decisions on what’s best for your child. While there’s no single "right way" to parent, the choices parents make today will have a lasting impact.

The Foundation of Parenting: Values, Morals, and Principles

Every family has its own unique set of values, and what they see to be right and wrong. The way parents approach different situations, and their personal beliefs affect how their children grow into adulthood. In this episode of Message for My Kids, the host reflects on his own childhood and shares these important lessons with his kids, offering a perspective that other parents may find both familiar and thought-provoking.

The Challenges of Parenting: No One Has All the Answers

There is no parenting guide and every child is different. Parents often question if they’re doing the right thing. Many times, it’s not known if a parents decision is the “right” or “wrong” decision. Especially when there are multiple children in the household to balance. Through trial, error, and reflection, they grow alongside their children, striving to learn what truly matters as a parent.

Leaving a Lasting Impact on Our Kids

• Leading by Example: Actions speak louder than words. The things parents do, children will see, and may gain these traits.

• Open Communication: Talking about values and choices helps children understand why certain principles are important in life.

• Choose What you Want to Teach: Think about your family situation and decide what type of values, morals, and principals you want your children to grow into. Be conscious about this decision.

Final Thoughts: Raising the Next Generation with Intention

The truth is, parenting is hard. Parents won’t always show how difficult being a parent really is. By sharing these lessons with his own kids, the host hopes to provide guidance and insight for other parents relate to.

🎧 Want to dive deeper? Tune in to hear this episode and discover ways to approach parenting by clicking on the podcast player at the top of the page!

Or…. you may view the transcript of the episode below!

Welcome back to another message for my kids. Today I want to talk about parenting. What is parenting? Is parenting controlling? Is parenting not controlling to where it lets the kids do what they want?

I think parenting is a word that is like the word love. Not everybody can describe love, but they know what love is. Not everybody can explain what parenting is, but parenting is something that you do. Sometimes as a parent, you try to do things that are best, but you really don't see the outcome until the outcome comes and then it's wrong. It's like, dang, I should have never said that. I should have never did that. I should have never let them go to their friend's house. Something.

I think every parent, every parent, tries in some way or somehow to be a very good parent. I think parents don't know how to be parents, but they still try. Parenting is hard, hard. Especially when you have individuals, children, who have different likes, who have obviously different characters, characteristics, and you can't really try only one thing and that one thing is going to work forever.

As a parent, what is your goal as a parent? I think every parent has a different goal. I think it also has to do with the way you were raised, the town, the economy, where your is your child going to head off to. With parenting, it's never a clear answer. It's never a clear answer.

I, for myself, I really try to figure out what works and what doesn't work. Usually, I'm good at this. Usually, I'm like, oh, man, we shouldn't have done that. Or, oh, I shouldn't have said that. I can give examples and examples and examples. And I think with parenting, the way I do it is what works, I grow on that, and what doesn't, I try to eliminate it. I try not to do it again.

I can give you a plain example. A couple of weekends ago, your brother wanted snacks. I said, yes, go ahead, snack drawer. And the next morning, I asked if he brushed his teeth because you guys like have snack time, you guys have to brush your teeth. He said he forgot. So even when I was trying to do good, I did bad because I should have displayed it, okay, you can have sweets, just make sure you brush your teeth.

So I think every parent tries to be a parent in some way. Even the ones who the parents, they probably think or understand or know from themselves. They don't want to be involved with the child's life because they know that their own lives are so messed up that they can't help their own child. They're better off not knowing who the parent is. So maybe was that the right call? Was that not the right call? Nobody knows except for that parent. And nobody knows except for the results that are going to show from that child growing up.

Maybe there are some children who grow up better off not knowing who their parent is. Maybe it's the total opposite. Maybe that child would have grown up having a better life. So, parenting is not easy. I know this. All parents know this.

There’s parents out there who are overly attached. I think parents become overly attached because they're childhood. There are some parents that are wishing for their children to be 18 and be like, good riddance. But again, I think it's just something it’s with the way they were raised.

So I can't really leave you a message with parenting except the message would be, it's hard. I'm thinking about your doctor appointments. And then I'm thinking about your extra activities after school. Then I'm thinking about your chores. Then I'm thinking about your free time. And then I have to think about myself as well. I mean, I can't just not do anything for myself. I have to exercise. I have to work. I have to pay bills. Parenting is not just a manual book.

And this is kind of like something I want to explain. Because I know I make it look easy. My parents made parenting look easy. When I got off of school, my mom, your grandma, was already done cleaning the house. Everything was clean. Everything was dusted. If it wasn't clean, it was kind of a mess because they were at work. And the way I left the house with my siblings to get on the bus is the way the house was when I got off the bus. So they were always constantly at work.

I know that your grandma and grandpa did try. And in my opinion, they succeeded. I can't think of one time that I was traumatized as a child from my parents. I think I was traumatized from my own actions.

Your grandpa and grandma would allow me to go spend the night at friends' houses. And as soon as they dropped me off, 10 minutes later, 45 minutes later, I'd leave to another different place. And they wouldn't know. So my behavior as a child was because of my behavior.

And the message to parenting, I know that all parents out there really try. And I know that we don't do the best because we're unaware of the best choices. If there was a "do and don't" book, and it was a book that described, "if you do this, these are the results, and if you don't do this, these are the results," I can almost guarantee that almost every parent would follow the "dos." I can almost guarantee that.

I mean, dang, I know some parents that literally have to leave their family just to go to work in a different state. Work in a different state. That has to be a lot, just I can't even imagine the feeling of that. Is it the right choice? I don't know. I don’t know. I do not know. It all has to do with the way parents were raised.

We learn, we learn through values, morals, and principles, which the next episode I will be for sure doing is values, morals, and principles. And I want to do a three-part for that. Because teaching you kids what parenting is and understanding it, when you guys hear this recording, depending if you catch it at a young age, you’re going to understand why parents do what parents do. But if you hear this at an older age, I think you're going to relate to this.

It's not easy being a parent. If you were raised to be selfish, if you were raised alone, and you created values, morals, that were selfish, you value yourself, your morals were all about yourself, decision-making about yourself, you're going to become a parent that has values and morals of being selfish.

So for example, if you were raised that way, and you have a child, and the child wants new shoes or a new toy, you're going to say no. And then you're going to turn around and go buy a bottle of wine for yourself because it's Friday. To me, that's selfish. But again, to somebody else, it's normal. Who's right and who's wrong? I think it's just based on opinion. Because maybe the kid just got shoes just last week. So do they really need those shoes?

It's all about parenting. Parenting is not just a one-way yes and a one-way no. There are some things you don't do as a parent, I understand that. That's why there’s laws. There’s laws that you don't cross that line and do things that are irreversible to your children. I understand that. That's not what I'm talking about. Anything like that, that’s against the law, yes, that’s wrong.

I'm talking about morals as parenting, values as parenting. I'm not really talking about principles as parenting, but even then, you can grow up knowing what values, morals, and principles are. And that would still shape you. If you were raised to not obey the laws, your principles are going to be pretty low.

It's not easy. It's not easy. It's not easy.

I try so hard, to try to shape your guys’ future because I know the things that we do. I know the things that we do as individuals really shape your future. What we do as parents shape your future. And I know that. I is extremely hard when you have multiple children, and you have to be careful because what type of values, what type of morals do you want your child raised into?

What do you want them to really value? Do you want them to have good morals? And like I said, every parent out there, I believe they try in their own way. I believe they do try. Have they made mistakes? Yes. Have they done wrong? Yes. But in some type of form and way, I believe they do try.

Is it the right answer, is it the wrong answer? Yes. But in some type of form and way, I believe they do try. Is it the right answer? Is it the wrong answer? I would say leave it up to principles and anything after that. Then you're going to have to really face: Was it morally right? Morally wrong? And what do you value? It's not a cut-and-dry simple answer. It's not.

When we have Sunday night family movie night and your little sisters only four years old, the oldest is almost already graduating, how am I supposed to put a movie just for a four-year-old at the same time as the 17-year-old is supposed to enjoy it? How am I supposed to put a movie that a 17 year old would like like versus a four-year-old that’s not even going to be interested? But it's a family movie night.

What am I showing through values and morals? How is it balanced out evenly?

Parenting is not easy. And those types of decisions are every day, literally, almost every minute, when you guys get home from school. Literally. And we're not even including the weekends, Saturday and Sunday, and then we're not even including the breaks or the school days.

Parenting is not easy, guys. It's not. So I hope that we are parenting you the best way for the best future, because we do things on purpose. I especially do things on purpose. I try to build your guys’ character. I try to build the person of who you are, especially being females in America.

It's not fair. And it's not fair. America is not there yet as culture diversity. Someday, I believe it will get there. I try to build your guys’ values and morals in a positive way. And I know it's going to be hard in the future because you are females. And son, I think your future is going to be moderate, some hard, some not. I think America is gonna learn about diversity. But I don't think it's going to be soon enough. And already I'm trying to build your values and morals to get prepared for that.

Parentings not easy, guys. And I think every parent would understand that.

That's another topic I would like to talk about in the future is politics and leave you guys a message with that. But that'll be another thing because economy kind of goes into politics. And it's something that I've definitely, definitely learned. And I would like to leave you guys a message with that stuff, but not on this recording for today.

Today, I want to put something for you about parenting.

And if and when you guys do become parents, please keep in mind that the things you do are shaping the children. And it's shaping them through value, morals, and principles.

I would say media plays a part in that. But I don't think as much as values and morals.

Because if you value family movie time, but you obviously explain that a machine cannot really walk around in those days of the 80s, it's just a machine. And music, is anything that is said could be fake. And media, well, how do you sell media? By telling the truth but changing it.

So just keep in mind, kids, that the values that you display, the morals that you display, and the principles that you display will shape the children's future.

And it is not easy. I know I make it look easy. I know I do. But I'm not the type of person to show my emotions through my face. I'm not the type of person to show my emotions or explain.

It's not your burden to worry about bills and mortgage and chemicals for the pool, and then gas and oil for the engines, and the tire pressure, and the glass, and the heater. It's none of your guys’ business yet. It's not your burden. Electronics, daily plans, food.

So what I'm saying is parenting is not easy, and there's no cut-and-dry answer. Just keep pushing forward. Keep those values high. Keep the morals high. And follow principles.

You gotta follow principles. You gotta set principles.

Principles go all the way from the federal level down to government or state level. And then it goes to county level. And I'm sure there’s more different levels, then there’s property levels, your house level.

You have to follow principles. It is not easy.

The next recording, I want to do a three-chapter. I wanna share values, I wanna share morals, and I wanna share principles. And when you understand that as a parent, when you understand those as an individual, I think you get to map out your ethics, what makes a person, a person’s ethics.

When you understand your type of morals you want, when you understand the type of values you want, when you understand and follow principles and whose principles. Because rules of principles are followed by whom? Yourself? Somebody else's?

And it is something I do want to teach you guys.

I know that in the past, things are not easy. They still aren't.

But kids, when parenting is hard, just realize that you are doing something good, because parenting is not made easy.

When it's hard, it's because you're thinking about a situation. It's because you realize something. It's supposed to be hard.

If parenting is easy, you're doing probably something wrong. You're probably not involved.

All right, there's another message for my kids.